"Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me hear joy and gladness, That the bones You have broken may rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit." Psalm 51:12

Mary Puplava, Editor HANDMAIDEN.ORG

         On my natural birthday last December, I was reminded of my spiritual birthday. Although my journal is private, I felt prompted to share my written thoughts with you in this issue on JOY! I hope that it will minister to you as much as it did for me in writing it.

“Here I am this 49th birthday morning, sitting in my rocking chair, all bundled up outside because of the dew. I am surrounded with my ‘crutches’ -- a mug of coffee and a pack of cigarettes. My intention is to ask the Lord for a scripture.

I have my Bible, pen and journal and am fully expecting the Lord to give me a scripture! Amazing. The ‘religious’ person in me says, ‘Mary, how dare you! Have you no respect? The ‘relationship’ person in me says, ‘Mary, how well you know your Father.'

I am so very thankful for the peaceful relationship I have with my God these days. I think it was a week ago, again outside on a morning like this, that I closed my eyes, faced the sun, and thanked God for the peaceful calm in which I declared my love and His love. There was a tremendous ‘knowing’ that I am abiding in Him.

Yes, I sometimes miss the great emotion, the tingles, the magnificent worship, the flow of visions and words when I'm in large prophetic gatherings.  But I would never trade the relational experience I have today. It is a faith, instead of an emotion. And what a blessing it was for me to hear Bob Jones speak about this very thing on the MorningStar tape yesterday... no highs and lows or extremes – just walking in the place of balance.

I was born 49 years ago today. The other day someone told me that God works in cycles ...  and 49 is 7 x 7. This should be a tremendous year of harvest for me. This and every day in this birth year ahead is my Jubilee Year. What a delight to contemplate. And yet -- I am not concentrating on what I am going to ‘get’ – I am anticipating what I will ‘become.’

I pray I will become more and more like Jesus. I pray this will be a year when God will remove those black holes in my life and begin to fill them up with His light. I desire more fruit -- love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, self-control... But also, I want to be productive, reproductive, and successful in every task I’m given -- for my children, my husband, my office and organizations I help, and even The Handmaiden. I pray there will be a great harvest in my life... jewels in the crown I will someday wear and lay at His feet.

Most of all, I am thankful for the "knowing," both in my heart and in my head, about eternity. What an awesome gift to my life -- my death and my surrender to Jesus. It isn't gruesome. It's marvelous! Knowing I will spend eternity with my Lord, my Friend, my Teacher. The very best part of who I am is Who He is in me. I honor You today, Father, on my birthday. And I thank You for giving me the most special one of all ... the day I called upon Your Son to be my Savior and Lord. I praise you my Lord for giving me life. I pray my life will glorify Your Son and that my joy will be complete when ‘this creation’ reflects Your Glory back to You -- and in that, is reflected back to the world.

As I sat quietly with my thoughts, the Holy Spirit brought Psalm 23 to mind, and especially verses 2 and 3:

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures;
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

These verses speak to me of the great peace in my mind, my heart, my soul and my spirit that I have today. There is no striving -- just an overwhelming sense of peace. From this place of peace and abiding, belonging, I know there will come another baptism of even greater blessing in my life. For I believe the power of Jesus through the anointing of the Holy Spirit will be greater than ever before. As I lay down my life and all that is within me before His throne, my baptism will be a complete washing away of the hindrances and obstacles which hamper His purpose for my life. And once this is accomplished, I believe I will become even more useful as His handmaiden. The Mary in me is beginning to take over the Martha in me. I believe it and I trust it. More than anything I want my life to make a difference in the lives I touch knowingly and unknowingly.

A Testimony of Joy

When 1990 began, I was lost without a Savior. I wasn’t going to church. I’d never read the Bible. Our marriage was rocky and I hated my job (working for my husband!). I was immersed in the New Age Movement with tarot cards, rune stones, Indian medicine cards, new age friends, numerology, psychic readers and channelers. If anyone could be lost, I was as lost as a lost person could be. ...but God!

Yes, God had a different plan for my life. Joe Puplava’s [Jim’s dad] death was the beginning of a life change for Jim, for me, and our sons. Without that jolt to our hearts and Jim’s anxiety and resulting sleep disorder, I wonder where we would be today. Jim had tried everything -- psychologists, psychiatrists, pills, tapes, music, herbs, everything under the sun to get some relief from his sleep deprivation. His mother suggested a Christian counselor who had helped his dad with some issues. Jim called Myrna Drew (yes, Myrna's Morsels) and she led him to the Lord over the phone. A few months later she came to visit. I too gave my heart to the Lord and all three of our sons did as well. She nurtured us over the years, helped us to keep our marriage and grow it strong in the Lord. Our family has been fortunate in our pastors and those the Lord has brought into our lives to mentor, to teach, and to encourage.

My heart is full as I write this today. I am so thankful for that day so long ago. Ten years later and I see three strong handsome sons who know God and serve Him, I look into the eyes of a husband who loves me, and I sit here writing a Christian newsletter for women on the Internet. Who would ever have imagined the joy and transformation in our lives... All because we said, "Yes, I want to know Jesus". 

The most important thing is to recognize the Father’s hand in sending Jesus into my life. The Holy Spirit drew me to the Truth and after receiving Jesus, He sent His Holy Spirit to dwell within me. What a marvel to know that the God of the universe, this vast earth with it’s billions of people, past, present and future, is focused on this 5’ woman. This truth is awesome -- even if I were the only human being on the earth, Jesus would die for me. What great love! What a marvelous thing to know that God has an everlasting love for me – from the beginning of Creation to the Day of Judgment. He made a way for me to spend eternity with Him.

Dear Readers,

In my opening, I confessed a fault to you. It was a very difficult thing to do. I wanted to cross it out and rework the paragraph. But, I couldn’t. What I wrote was the truth and if I had omitted it, I would have being lying to myself and to you. Then, this article would have become religious drivel.

A very old and wise servant of the Lord once said to a group of mature and seasoned ministers, “But for the grace of God in your life, you would be a smoker, an alcoholic, or a wife-beater. You have no right to judge others. It is only the grace of God that prevents it from being so in your life.” I recount this not to shake a finger at you or even to excuse myself. But I do so to encourage you to see what even those of us who have walked with the Lord for ten years have to deal with, day after day. Each of us has areas in our lives which need His perfection. But, really, that shouldn't rob us of our joy. That joy is a gift - an eternal gift - and no thing and no one can take it away.

I am thankful for His grace in my life and I look to the Conqueror of my soul to conquer my body as well.

I have joy. I have peace. And I have great faith in my God that He loves me as I am. Day by day, little by little, He will transform me into His image. My greatest joy will be on that day when I stand in front of Him and hear those words, “Well done good and faithful servant... enter into the joy of your master.”

                                                                                    Trusting in Him,  Mary

ABOUT THE EDITOR

Mary Puplava began The Handmaiden in printed form in 1994 in response to a strong urge from the Lord to gather the writings of women and put them in a form to share with others. The quarterly newsletter was mailed around the world and became the source of bible study for missionaries and home fellowship groups. Originally published in print form, The Handmaiden went into a period of dormancy. In the Fall of 1998, Mary began again to build The Handmaiden for the Internet.

Mary lives with her husband, Jim, and three sons in San Diego, California. She is the financial officer for Puplava Securities, Inc. and Puplava Financial Services, Inc. and is the webmaster for www.financialsense.com . Mary also serves on the Board of Mission Connection.