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Mary
Puplava, Editor
HANDMAIDEN.ORG
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 Kids Say The Darndest Things...
 THE LIGHT SIDE
A little girl wanted her daddy to tell her a story. He
wove together a fine tale that involved slaves. After he finished his story,
she asked, "What's a slave, Daddy?" He explained it the best that he could. When he was through the
little girl looked up at her daddy and asked, "Is that what Mommy
is?" (Humorous Notes, Quotes, And Anecdotes, Leslie and Bernice Flynn,
1973, p. 110) IOWJUL91
 Adam's Prayers
Dear God,
I know I'm supposed to pray
every day. But God, I had a real long day. I just want to go to sleep.
Remember those prayers I told you last night? Well, could you reuse them?
Thanks, God.
Love, Adam
p.s. I'll talk to you
tomorrow!
ARE
YOU A PUMPKIN?
from
Tina  A
lady had recently been baptized. One of her coworkers asked her what it was
like to be a Christian. She was caught off guard and didn't know how to
answer; but when she looked up, she saw a jack-o'-lantern on the desk and
answered, "It's like being a pumpkin." The coworker asked her to
explain that one. "Well, God picks you from the patch and brings you in
and washes off all the dirt on the outside that you got from being around
all the other pumpkins. Then he cuts off the top and takes all the yucky
stuff out from inside. He removes all those seeds of doubt, hate, greed,
etc. Then he carves you a new smiling face and puts his light inside of you
to shine for all to see. It is our choice to either stay outside and rot on
the vine or come inside and be something new and bright." I'll never
look at a pumpkin the same way again !!
The Pit
From Barbara, Texas
A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out.
~ A subjective person came along and said, "I feel for you down
there."
~ An objective person walked by and said, "It's logical that someone
would fall down there."
~ A Pharisee said, "Only bad people fall into pits."
~ A mathematician calculated how deep the pit was.
~ A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on the pit.
~ An IRS agent asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.
~ A self-pitying person said, "You haven't seen anything until you've
seen my pit."
~ A fire-and-brimstone preacher said, "You deserve your pit."
~ A psychiatrist observed, "The pit is just in your mind."
~ A psychologist noted, "Your mother and father are to blame for your
being in that pit."
~ A self-esteem therapist said, "Believe in yourself and you can get
out of that pit."
~ An optimist said, "Things could be worse."
~ A pessimist claimed, "Things will get worse."
~ Jesus, seeing the man, took him by the hand and lifted him out of the pit.
Note
from Mary
The above story reminds us of The Good Samaritan, doesn't it? The
greatest service we can give is to extend a helping hand... without judgment
or comment.
Luke
10:30 Jesus replied, "A man was going down from Jerusalem
to Jericho, and fell into the hands of robbers, who stripped him, beat him,
and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 Now by chance a
priest was going down that road; and when he saw him, he passed by on the
other side. 32 So likewise a Levite, when he came to the
place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a
Samaritan while traveling came near him; and when he saw him, he was moved
with pity. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds,
having poured oil and wine on them. Then he put him on his own animal,
brought him to an inn, and took care of him. 35 The next
day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said,
"Take care of him; and when I come back, I will repay you whatever more
you spend.' 36 Which of these three, do you think, was a
neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?" 37 He
said, "The one who showed him mercy." Jesus said to him, "Go
and do likewise."
|
 SEVEN
WONDERS
from
Tina
A group of
Geography students studied the Seven Wonders of the World. At the end of
that section, the students were asked to list what they considered to be
the Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the
following got the most votes: 1.
Egypt's Great Pyramids, 2. Taj Mahal, 3. Grand Canyon, 4. Panama Canal, 5.
Empire State Building, 6. St. Peter's Basilica, 7. China's Great Wall
While
gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student, a quiet girl,
hadn't turned in her paper yet. So, she asked the girl if she was having
trouble with her list. The quiet girl replied, "Yes, a little. I
couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The
teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have and maybe we can
help." The girl hesitated, then read "I think the Seven Wonders
of the World are: 1.
to touch, 2. to taste, 3. to see, 4. to hear. She hesitated a little, and
then read 5. to run, 6. to laugh, 7. and to love.
It is far
too easy for us to look at the exploits of man and refer to them as
"wonders" while we overlook all God has done, regarding them as
merely "ordinary." May you be reminded today of those
things which are truly wondrous.
|
The
Bible in 50 Words
From Richard J.
Frederick
Elkhart, Indiana
God made
Adam bit
Noah arked
Abraham split
Joseph ruled
Jacob fooled
Bush talked
Moses balked
Pharaoh plagued
People walked
Sea divided
Tablets guided
Promise landed
Saul freaked
David peeked
Prophets warned
Jesus born
God walked
Love talked
Anger crucified
Hope died
Love rose
Spirit flamed
Word spread
God remained.
Note:
"Dad" F. went on to be
with the Lord this year. He was a blessing to many, but especially
to me. |
 THE
7-UPS OF LIFE
From Debbie B.
Scottsdale, Arizona
1.
Wake Up
- Decide to have a good day. "This is the day which the
Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm
118:24)
2.
Dress Up
- The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an
inexpensive way to improve your looks. "God sees not as
man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord
looks at the heart." (1Samuel 16:7)
3.
Shut Up
- Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears
and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much
listening as talking. "The one who guards his mouth
preserves his life." (Proverbs 13:3) "A gossip
betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talk too much."
(Proverbs 20:19) "Listen to advice and accept
instruction, and in the end you will be wise." (Proverbs 19:20)
4.
Stand Up
- For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will
fall for anything. "Let us not become weary in doing
good; for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not
give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good... "
(Galatians 6:9-10)
5.
Look Up
- To the Lord. "I can do everything through Him who gives
me strength." (Philippians 4:13)
6.
Reach Up
- For something higher. Always try to better yourself.
"...keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at
the right hand of God." (Colossians 3:1)
7.
Lift Up
- Your prayers. "Be anxious for nothing, but in
everything with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your
requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4;6)
Remember
the 7-ups of life--GOD BLESS YOUR DAY! |
 "INFORMATION
PLEASE"
from Jody N.
Carefree, Arizona
When I was quite young,
my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember
well the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung
on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used
to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it. Then I discovered
that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her
name was "Information, Please" and there was nothing she did not
know. Information please could supply anyone's number and the correct
time.
My personal experience
with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a
neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my
finger with a hammer. The pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in
crying because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the
house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The
telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it
to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and
held it to my ear.
"Information,
please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two
and a small clear voice spoke into my ear. "Information".
"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone. The tears came
readily enough now that I had an audience.
"Isn't your mother
home?" came the question.
"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.
"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.
"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it
hurts."
"Can you open the icebox?" she asked. I said I could. "Then
chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the
voice.
After that, I called
"Information, please" for everything. I asked her for help with
my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me
with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk, that I had caught in the park
just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts. Then, there was the time
Petey, our pet canary, died. I called "information please" and
told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say
to soothe a child. But I was unconsoled. I asked her, "Why is it that
birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to
end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?" She must have
sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Paul, always remember
that there are other worlds to sing in." Somehow I felt better.
Another day I was on the telephone. "Information, please."
"Information," said the now familiar voice. "How do I spell
fix?" I asked.
All this took place in a
small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine years old, we moved
across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much.
"Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home
and I somehow never thought of trying the tall, shiny new phone that sat
on the table in the hall.
As I grew into my teens,
the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me. Often,
in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of
security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and
kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy. A few years later, on
my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about a
half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with
my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I
dialed my hometown operator and "Information, please."
Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
"Information."
I hadn't planned this,
but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell me how to spell
fix?" There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer,
"I guess your finger must have healed by now." I laughed,
"So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any
idea how much you meant to me during that time?" "I
wonder," she said, "if you know how much your calls meant to me.
I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls." I
told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I
could call her again when I came back to visit my sister. "Please
do," she said. "Just ask for Sally."
Three months later I was
back in Seattle. A different voice answered, "Information." I
asked for Sally.
"Are you a friend?" she said.
"Yes, very old friend," I answered.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," she said. "Sally had
been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She
died five weeks ago." Before
I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was
Paul?"
"Yes."
"Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you
called. Let me read it to you." The note said, "Tell him there
are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean." I thanked her
and hung up. I knew what Sally meant. Never under estimate the impression
you may make on others.
Whose
life have you touched today?
|
Look
closely at this picture.
Is she young or old?
An Old Lady's Poem
from
"Dad" F
Elkhart, Indiana
What do you
see, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply,
When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe....
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill....
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten...with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty -- my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more, babies play around my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.
I'm now an old woman .... and nature is cruel;
'Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years .... all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman; look closer ... see ME!!
Remember
this poem when you next meet an old person who you might brush aside
without looking at the young soul within it. We will one day be there,
too!
To the
world, you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.
... A
Friend...
(A)accepts
you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions
the whole of you
(even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust
"be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever
Judges
(O)ffer support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays
nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks
beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality
|
Christian
Bumper Stickers
from
Barbara in Texas
Be Fishers of Men.... You catch 'em, He'll clean 'em.
A clean conscience makes a soft pillow.
 A family altar can
alter a family.
 A lot of
kneeling will keep you in good standing.
 Do your best and
then sleep in peace.
 God is Awake.
 Exercise daily.
Walk with the Lord!
 For all you do,
His blood's for you!
Give Satan an inch
and he'll be a ruler.
God doesn't want shares of your life; He wants controlling interest!
God doesn't grade
on a curve, but on the cross.
Having truth
decay? Brush up on your Bible!
He who angers you,
controls you!
He who is good at
making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
Kindness is
difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
Man's way leads to
a hopeless end!
God's way leads to
an endless hope!
Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.
Never give the
devil a ride. He always want to drive!
Nothing ruins
the truth like stretching it.
The task ahead of
us is never as great as the Power behind us.
This Church is
"Prayer Conditioned"!
We don't change
the message, the message changes us.
We set the sail;
God makes the wind.
We're too blessed
to be depressed.
Wisdom has two parts: 1) Having a lot to say. 2) Not saying it.
Worry is the
darkroom in which "negatives" are developed.
You can tell how
big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
 THE
ANT AND THE CONTACT LENS
sent by Chris S.
Poway, California
Brenda
was a young woman who was invited to go rock climbing. Although she
was scared to climb, she went with her group to a tremendous granite
cliff. In spite of her fear, she put on the gear, took a hold on the
rope, and started up the face of that rock. Well, she got to a ledge
where she could take a breather. As she was hanging on there, the
safety rope snapped against Brenda's eye and knocked out her contact
lens.
Well,
here she is on a rock ledge, with hundreds of feet below her and
hundreds of feet above her. Of course, she looked and looked and
looked, hoping it had landed on the ledge, but it just wasn't there.
Here she was, far from home, her sight now blurry. She was desperate
and began to get upset, so she prayed to the Lord to help her to
find it.
When
she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for
the lens, but there was no contact lens to be found. She sat
down, despondent, with the rest of the party, waiting for the rest
of them to make it up the face of the cliff. She looked out across
range after range of mountains, thinking of that Bible verse
that says, "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the
whole earth." She thought, "Lord, You can see all these
mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where
my contact lens is. Please help me."
Finally,
they walked down the trail to the bottom. At the bottom there was a
new party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of
them shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact
lens?" Well, that would be startling enough, but you know
why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across the face of
the rock, carrying it.
Brenda
told me that her father is a cartoonist. When she told him the
incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he
drew a picture of an ant lugging that contact lens with the words,
"Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing.
I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what
You want me to do, I'll carry it for You."
I think
it would probably do some of us good to occasionally say, "God,
I don't know why you want me to carry this load. I can see no good
in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if you want me to carry it,
I will."
God
doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
Yes, I
do love GOD. He is my source of existence and my Savior. He keeps me
functioning each and every day. Without Him, I am nothing, but with
Him I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil
4:13)
Children Tell It As They See It
from Marty C., Vermont
HOW
DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep
the chips and dip coming. - Alan, 10 No person really
decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides
it way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck
with. - Kirsten, 10
WHAT
IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
23 is the best age because you know the person FOREVER! by then. -
Camille, 10
HOW
CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at
the same kids. - Derrick, 8
WHAT
DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long
enough. - Lynnette, 8
WHAT
WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead
columns. - Craig, 9
WHEN
IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. - Pam, 7 The law says you have to be
eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - Curt, 7 The
rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them
and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - Howard, 8
IS
IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.- Anita, 9
HOW
WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kevin, 8
HOW
WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, 10 |
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