The Handmaiden - VESSELS - A Touch of Humor

Babe in the Pot

Vessels of Glory?
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IMPORTANT RECALL NOTICE
Email by David in Kentucky

The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, 'Subsequential Internal Non-Morality,' or more commonly known as S-I-N, as it is primarily symptomized by loss of moral judgment. Some other symptoms:

(a) Loss of direction
(b) Foul vocal emissions
(c) Amnesia of origin
(d) Lack of peace and joy
(e) Selfish, or violent, behavior
(f) Depression or confusion in the mental component
(g) Fearful
(h) Idolatry

The manufacturer, who is neither liable or at fault for this defect, providing factory authorized repair and service, free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The number to call for the recall station in your area is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN by pressing R-E-P-E-N-T-A-N-C-E. Next, download J-E-S-U-S into the heart. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, the JESUS repair will replace it with:

Please see operating manual, HOLY BIBLE
for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without correction, voids the manufacturer's warranty, exposing owner to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on J-E-S-U-S.

(a) Love
(b) Joy
(c) Peace
(d) Long-suffering
(e) Gentleness
(f) Goodness
(g) Faith
(h) Meekness
(i) Temperance

DANGER: The human units not receiving this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect must not enter heaven or else heaven will be infected.

Authorized by: The Creator.

God would give up on His Son, before He'd give up on you. For God so loved the world, that he gave His only Begotten Son; that whosoever believeth should not perish; but have everlasting life. (John 3:16) It's not how much of the Bible you know that counts; but how much you put to use.

F.R.O.G.
(Forever Relying on God)

Kids Say The Darndest things....

From Debbie
Scottsdale, Arizona:
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six year old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail"...

What's Prettier Than Freckles?

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.

"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful."

The boy looked up, "Really?" "Of course," said the grandmother. "Why just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles." The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."

More from our children...

All the way home from Church, Junior, in the back seat of the car, was very, very quiet! His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. "The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius -- the Pilot!"

Editor's Note: Our children come in all shapes in sizes. Some are bright, some are dull, some are tall and some are small. No matter what size or shape, they are the delight of God's eyes. I would imagine that He never tires of watching or listening to them... In each "container" there is a divine spark. We should honor them all.

GOD'S BOXES
from Barbara T, Texas
Author Unknown

I have in my hands two boxes which God gave me to hold.

He said "Put all your sorrows in the black, and all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored.

But though the gold became heavier each day The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black, I wanted to find out why...

and, I saw, in the base of the box, a hole Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused aloud,
"I wonder where my sorrows could be."

He smiled a gentle smile at me.
My child, they're all here with me."

I asked, "God, why give me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?"

"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings, the black is for you to let go."

We should consider all of our friends a blessing.
Send this to a friend today just to let them know you are thinking of them, and that they are a joy in your life.

A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends.
But the treasure inside for you to see, is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me. Today I pass the friendship ball to you. Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you....

Send a friend a smile!
A Touch of Humor Just copy and paste into an e-mail!

Silver Boxes
from Karen

My words were harsh and hasty
And they came without a thought.
Then I saw the pain and anguish
That my bitter words had brought.

Bitter words that I had spoken
Made me think back through the past;
Of how many times I'd uttered
Biting words whose pain would last.

Then I wondered of the people
I had hurt by things I'd said;
And of the times I'd been discouraged
By a sharp and cruel word.

And now clearly I remember
All the things I might have done;
But, by a word I was discouraged
And they never were begun.

Lord, help my words be silver boxes.
Neatly wrapped up with a bow;
That I give to all so freely,
As through each day I gladly go.

Silver boxes full of treasure,
Precious gifts from God above;
That all the people I encounter
Might have a box of God's own love.